Ok, this I cannot handle:

Donna D’errico files for divorce from Nikki Sixx

This isn’t the first time the couple has split. About five years ago, right after the birth of their first child together Frankie-Jean, Donna went on all the talk shows saying that while she was recovering from childbirth, Nikki had cheated on her after falling off the drug wagon. She did this after they reconciled. (I guess that was his punishment.)

Now Donna is filing for divorce again. That sucks. C’mon, look at the photo of them at right from a Hustler magazine photo shoot. How adorable are they together? (And look, Donna is wearing the Nikki Sixx panties I want!!!) How I wish I could pose for a reputable nudie rag with my main man. I’m not kidding, it’s a real aspiration. No, it’s not too late for me, thanks. There’s still time!

But anyway, I normally could care less when celebrities divorce. Hey, what’s it to my life? But this is different. Nikki Sixx is my guy, he’s like family! And I liked Donna, thought she was good for him. How many women has he gone through before he got one I approved of?

Anyone remember Vanity, the former Prince babe? I DO! Because she and Nikki were engaged at one time, and Nikki even had the letter “V” tattooed on his arm for her. After their breakup, he had it turned into the roman numeral VI to cover it up, but I remember. Don’t even try to cover it up, I REMEMBER. (And if you wonder how much I disapproved, you should see the pin up of Vanity I had with all the dart holes in it. Ok, well, I was like 14 at the time, so cut me some slack.)

Ack. I hope they can pull it together again. Because if I start seeing photos of Nikki holding hands and making out with Denise Richards like this, I’m gonna be real pissed.

Seriously, after reading this, about how Richie Sambora cheated on Heather Locklear and is now spotted all over town with neighbor (and friend of Heather’s) Denise Richards, I’m thinking it’s time for Charlie Sheen to demand a paternity test. I’m just sayin’.

Memo to cheating celebrities:

Perhaps you should NOT go out in public together while you’re married to other people. If you must go out in public together, possibly you can tone it down a fucking little. Like, stop fucking LAUGHING so much like you don’t have a care in the world; as if the paparazzi aren’t lurking with their zoom lenses. And can you take the kissing/hand holding down a notch? There’s a time and a place for that, the Home Depot parking lot not being one of them.

Ooh, I just thought of a new DUMBASSES book:

Discrete Adultery Tactics for Celebrity DUMBASSES

Listen to this podcast

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006 at 12:56 pm and is filed under music, entertainment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.